The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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