Michael Bay diarrhea
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Drake has all the answers
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
