one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My dick has a subreddit
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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