She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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