I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
