Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
