You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
