well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
