Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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