At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
