Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize