So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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