gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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