Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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