Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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