OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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