He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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