he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i need some magic done to my vagina
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