You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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