It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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