How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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