you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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