Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
