i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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