Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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