so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
