went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
