It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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