Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
