Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
