Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
