I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize