So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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