doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
