Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
