If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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