if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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