How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
