I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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