Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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