I CAN MOONWALK!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
