WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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