well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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