dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
