why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
