I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
