I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
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ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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