I'm going to jail i love you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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