im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
time to smoke my breakfast
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
