Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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