I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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