I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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