i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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