I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
