some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
