u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
